09:29 am woke a few minutes earlier to go to the toilet.
I will be writing a morning page today.
I am going to choose twinnings tea.
I decided to cut some fruit (not pear because the texture hasn't been great for the last ones I've had). The apple is pretty sweet, I peeled an orange as well.
10:02 am cup of Twinnings focus tea in front of me. I was trying to watch 8 out of 10 cats does countdown but it kept buffering so I slept to that, fine now though. I go through a process of blaming myself. Start to say what can I do to fix things. Eventually, my mind goes to nothing to do with me. It didn't say 'no internet' so there's that. Nowadays the time in between those two has lessened. I am two people before and after the overthinking...no before the overthinking and the overthinker. I've realised I need to separate these two to find the truth. Take what if's (btw, I'm thinking of one what if in particular) 2 points for guessing what (I'm still single so that's a clue)
My overthinking self is saying "I should have," which leads to me forgetting about the reason I didn't. Because it would still be true if I went back knowing what I know now or not. The overthinking me was allowed to grow because I cared too much about what people thought of me (dangerously so) and I didn't have the tools to say words this let my mind wander. I would always think the worst before I thought the best. I realise now that it comes from nothing because I surround myself with positive people (as a rule) so not coming from anything but in my head. That practice helps in my life now.
38 minutes, see you when I see you.
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