Morning Pages #108

9:49am a cup of hot water and a bowl of rice in front of me (because I’m hungry). Someone made us some rice and chicken the other day. Ah, the perks of being a Bishops daughter. 

I’m a celebrity season 20 started on Sunday. I always wait a few days before watching because of my anxiety. I not going to say why because I don’t want to explain myself and I’ve learnt I don’t have to that anymore. Accepting my high sensitivity was a turning point for me. In the past, I would have just kept that to myself. I hesitated a bit before writing it. It’s the fear of being judged. I am just now realising that I am that way because I have experienced it in my life. Try to be honest and they react like ‘Why though,’ say I don’t know, and they think you’re lying. Can’t blame them because it’s ‘gut reaction,’ and most people don’t have a filter. I used to expect the people around me to behave the way I would and when they didn’t, I couldn’t understand it. I thought I was the problem now I know we are both in the right. It’s our brains are wired differently.

28 minutes, see you when I see you.

Morning Pages #107 Imagine its now.

 

7:27 AM a Cup of tea pigs clean n green, national lampoon's vacation Netflix. I've been binge-watching diagnosis murder episodes (I mean seasons) for the past few weeks.

It's been…(I'm going to guess at least a month) since the last entry. I was motivated to write one today because yesterday I was doing some spring cleaning. I came across the diary I wrote when I was in hospital eight years ago in March. It was a turning point for me as you can imagine. 2020 has been a year of answered questions for me. I did a lot of souls searching, a ton of writing. I see what I wrote in a different light. Whilst in hospital I figured out what I needed.

a few days ago I came across a YouTube advert talking about thinking about your dream/ future life being your present. It makes sense doesn't it, something to think about.

26 minutes, see you when I see you.