Wednesday 20 January 2021

Morning Pages #110

 

9:52 AM, currently awaiting my phone appointment with the jobcentre. I was told they would be calling me a week ago and I haven't stopped thinking about it. Why do they need to call me? Surely, they don't expect me to be searching for work. I'm quite sure we are in lockdown at the moment. Do not read it just to see how I'm doing. that's great but then I went to the website and it says to show your job search or something like that. That’s probably just automatic thing. I shouldn't worry too much about it. is this going to be a monthly thing because I can't handle that. I have nothing to say. I'm thinking of this in my head but, what is really going to happen is none of that. The conversation will probably go.

“How are you doing ?”

“fine,”

end of the conversation.

I'm thinking about it as a 30-minute conversation, it will probably be 10. if it does turn out to be monthly, I hope I get the choice to continue phone appointments.

I know what you're saying…

“look what is happening now,”

Yes, but I feel like once I get over this hurdle it will be plain sailing from then on. Jobcentre call in 24 minutes.

15 minutes, see you when I see you.    

Friday 1 January 2021

Morning Pages #109

 

7:47 AM, murder she wrote on Sky and ham baguette (a ham and greve baguette to be specific) in front of me. sitting here and my baguette is half gone. if I'm honest I'm forcing myself to write this because I want to write more morning pages this year. It's one of my New Year's resolutions, it might be the only resolution based on the year we just had.

I brought a 5-year diary and a question and answer diary. I'm excited to fill them both in. filling them in makes me excited for the future, not just the next five years. I think I feel differently this 1st of January then I have any other. I don't really know how to explain it. It's like more than just hopeful for the future. It's certain and determination that everything I want will come true. I would say my motivation and termination has become stronger. I used to have this one of shy and quietness. I think it's turned into motivation and determination.

13 minutes, see you when I see you.     

Morning Page #269

 Woke at II: II today from a dream about my future hubby. I think the message was about standing still, and not chasing what I want. Lettin...