Morning page #261

Woke at 840 ish and I needed the toilet. After that, I played a few levels on Cooking Diary and Treasure Party. Did today's Duolingo lesson. Today's Timehop and manifest app. 11:11 watch later list on YouTube. I was watching GMM's Gut check marathon. A cup of PG tips in front of me. I started bringing out some old merch. Today's is supernatural A lesson was learnt yesterday. 

'There is no going back fall Stop!'

God's exact words, so If you say yes when you wanted to say no. When you said no before. You picked back up a habit you broke. It's not a step back because it was always meant to happen. Imagine we didn't live in a world of www.coms. And we didn't share. Let's say you only saw your journey. For you to be mad you didn't know at 1 year old you would have to carry your tray to your next class. You can't be born and then be in year 2. You have to be a baby and go through 1 2 3 4 5 reception and then year one before get to 2, you can't skip it, you know it's not possible. If you walk Into a dark kitchen and you take more than a second to find the light. Then you beat yourself up about not finding it sooner. Yes, it's the kitchen, I think most kitchen lights are roughly in the same place. The fact is you didn't know where the light was before you knew it. Your life went walk, search for.. let's say 30 seconds, turn on light. It couldn't have gone walk in, turn or light because that's not your journey.

35 minutes, see you when I see you

Morning page #260

Woke at 5 something and then I didn't go back to sleep. Being on friendly credit the gas supply went off at 10. That was what was keeping me awake. So I spent my morning getting It back on.

11:30 am Haunting in Venice movie on Disney+ on the laptop, a cup of twinnings tea (can't  remember which one)  

Tea check: Drinkable.

Anxiety led to overthinking led to frustration. And Paranoia over my lack of lack of love life. The one who didn't know he was the one at the time. Broke my heart and now lives rent-free in my head. I thought, then l was shocked. How could I have been so wrong? It can only be a joke. Idiot how can you think..... (laugh). Just because... doesn't mean he liked you. The message is clear, then why do I still feel this way. What is the lesson I need to learn? 

I just now daydreamed a conversation of him asking what I daydreamed about when it comes to us. 

Me: All the things that couples do I say. From our first date to our kids 

:how many kids will we have?

Me: 6 twin girls another girl and three boys.

45 minutes, see you when I see you.

Morning page #259 inner monologues

I slept to the new Chicken Run movie. It's today's movie. Oh, my goal is to make a video a day. A project I'm calling 'me without a filter,' and decided to add watch a new movie (new for me of course) to it. I slept after making today's video. 

Have you ever been in love?

Woke up at 11:38, then | woke again at 12:38. I went to the kitchen. I thought I might as well do a tea leaf reading. While there l thought of tomorrow's video 'my spiritual journey,' I don't know If you know this about me. You might have assumed correctly (those of you who don't know me in real life that is). I grew up in a Christian home. That's how I would start it. That beginning has been going around in my head for an hour. I'm wondering if I should write it down, I don't want to forget it. Got me thinking about inner monologues. Because I had always thought this was how everyone thinks. Ever since that debate came up. You know whether I have it or not. This has made it clearer 

40 minutes see you when I see you.