A cup of tea in front of me,
Family Guy on the mac. I like Family Guy because It's hilarious and it helps me
sleep (not cause it's boring) I think It has something to do with the colours
but I'm not a scientist.
Oh
I didn't say the time
It's now 9:17 am.
I'm very aware of repeating
things in these pages. I know I probably said I'm trying to lean more into,
whatever happens, happens.
I
am worried about being put on a course I don't want need. I'm also aware of wasting my time {I'm trying
not to write because too
much} I know this part of my life is temporary. The
thing
is I don't think I have a choice but to say yes to these courses. I'm now
on
a customer service course. And it's been on my mind too much I can't
complete
it then it came back with more information. So, I've just been
avoiding
it. I want to contact my teacher for help but short of giving me the
words
to write I don’t see what else she can do it. When I complete it that
will
be a huge weight off my mind. My work coach is no help. She has certain
things
to tick off. Like me doing a course. They always ask
'How's
your work search going?
Take
a lucky guess, I always stress about that. I don't want to say
'Not
well, clearly,'
I
learnt a long time ago that me saying…
'Because I don't want to,' is
not good enough for them.
I
was doing a course years ago, Go train. One day I did want to go. I was called
and the woman said
'If
you don't have a good enough reason you need to be here,'
'What
even if it's taking every bone in my body just to get out of bed,'
That's
when I knew I can't put myself in that position again. Where I explain myself
and it falls on death's ears.
Me saying I don't want to do this course should
be
enough. I'm me 24/7 and have been me for nearly 38 years. You see a quarter
of
my life if that. You have no idea what I go through daily. You
know
that saying
"Your
words have power,"
I
wish everyone I ever spoke to could see how their words affect me. They would
see the things that stick in
my head. It would be like a TV on top of the head.
42
minutes, see you when I see you.
I
thought about not posting this because even though no one not
many
people read these. They could
read this and be offended. I’m posting
this because this
is just how I feel I can’t filter myself anymore.
