Morning Page #266

Woke at a few minutes before 10. Went to the toilet (number 1). Then went to the kitchen to make my tea. 

10.48 am cats does countdown on my laptop, A Cup of Turmeric chai tea front of me.

I got a message from a friend saying would you want to meet up on Saturday. I said sounds good, even though over thinking mainly how am I going to get there, how will I get home. I'm thinking I have no money in my card, but I can ask my mum for money. I can take a cab there. Then I worry about access to internet when I'm m coming home. I can get a bus where there is access to internet. I've also been daydreaming a surprise meetup with my crush. I havent seen this friend since 2018, 6 years and my crush since 2007 almost 17 years. Cant help but think about what if's. Like If we got married how old would our kids be would we still be or together today or would we have broken up. Then I think about his feelings for me. I know nothing, Zitch, Zero about them either way. This causes me to think about my childhood. If you asked me what words I would use to decribe it would say Guesswork. I just assumed because I didn't have talking to people in my tool box. I assume not only does he not fancy me he doesnt like me either bassed on the fact that I havent seen him in 17 years. Really I dont know so why am making It up, that's a waste.

A week turned into a month turned into a year turned into 17 years. 

37 minutes, see you when I see you

Morning Page #265

Woke at 8:59 had another dream that I totally forgot, think It had my crush.

9:06 am a cup of sleep and Peppermint tea. The computer and I Pad went off during the night. Because I wasn't charging it so I put it on. Last night I put my mother's day gift in the living room. I was going to go back and change whereI put it but God said just leave it and his angels sang it. I'm happy that not only did my niece not get to it (which is what I was worried about). My mum didn't See It yet. I got the chance to give it to her myself. I am happy twice, number 1 I liked my gift. Number two so did she. I've been experimenting with lying down when I'm tired. I changed it from sleep when you're tired because I don't always sleep and I was beginning to see it as a failure. What this is helping is...me to listen to my body. And it's also an opportunity to dream, daydream being asked on a date. 

Him: You can take as long as I took to say this but would you want to have dinner with me.

Me: I dont even need a minute all I need is a second, the answer is yes. 

Him turning up to my house house with flowers is a recurring daydream I have. Also the sentence 'I'm sorry I ever made you feel that I dont feel the same way,' 

Tea check: still hot but drinkable.

I'm daydreaming life as a couple. I would be so so happy when I see him in person. Not in my dreams or daydream.

28 minutes, see you when I see you.

Morning Page #264

Today I woke at 7:46 I had a dream...intermert dream about Someone I didnt want to.

11:50am a cup of sleep twinnings and peppermint tea in front of me. Last night I was bingeing 8 out 10 catsdoes contdown. 

I have to move a decision based on my gut and what my body is telling me. Because I'm feeling ill but have a party to go to tomorrow. should I still go. I dont want to disappoint besides I always enjoy myself. If I don't go I will miss out but like I said lm ill. I'm thinking when my relationship will start. To be honest l am thinking about when my crush/ future husband will ask me out to get the ball rolling.

21 minutes see you when I see you.