Morning Pages #106 Happy Birthday

 9: 57 am, 8 out of 10 cats on my mac. A cup of tea in front of me, Apple in my hand. I’ve started to peel the skin of my apple’s. As a woman with dentures, it just makes it easier.

Today is my 36th birthday. I told my mum I didn’t want a party this year and I meant it. The reason is not important to you but it’s 100% important to me and that’s all that matters.

Although it’s the main reason it’s not the only reason. I am who I am, I need to be able to do what I want on my birthday and not put on a smile. It doesn’t mean I’m sad, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It just means I’m more comfortable when I’m on my own. I’m learning that’s ok because we all need what we need. I am vocalising what I want and need for the first time and it’s not easy. It’s not something I grew up with, It’s a little out of character. Even for my mother

“You what…are you ok?” (she didn’t say that but, I could see it in her eyes)

Here’s the thing, if I’m going to be alive on this earth for the next 66 years potentially. I need to be able to live the best way I need to be happy. Which means some alone time more than I need to be around people. I’m shy and I’m quiet, of course, it’s what I need. And that’s ok.

22 minutes, see you when I see you

Morning Pages #105

10:44 AM, 8 out of 10 cats on my Mac. It came back for it's 20th season yesterday so I have one new episode to watch.

Should I make myself a Cup of tea (knowing full well I'm only doing it to write it in here)

Ah...no, I'm going to make breakfast for myself in a few minutes.

I made a TikTok account the other day, I'm obsessed. It's made me want to be creative.

My book is still less than 10,000 words. If I was a betting woman, I would say not going to complete it this year. That's okay I'll change my goal to 10,000 words by the end of the year. Everything else is a bonus.

My birthday is coming up soon,  I've decided what I need is nothing. I need the day to be about me and not about people/a person who needs to be the centre of attention like they need to breathe. Nowadays I'm starting to care less about what people think of me (not at all, I'm still me). So I will be telling people not to come over, that would be my gift to myself.

33 minutes, see you when I see you.