Morning page #260

Woke at 5 something and then I didn't go back to sleep. Being on friendly credit the gas supply went off at 10. That was what was keeping me awake. So I spent my morning getting It back on.

11:30 am Haunting in Venice movie on Disney+ on the laptop, a cup of twinnings tea (can't  remember which one)  

Tea check: Drinkable.

Anxiety led to overthinking led to frustration. And Paranoia over my lack of lack of love life. The one who didn't know he was the one at the time. Broke my heart and now lives rent-free in my head. I thought, then l was shocked. How could I have been so wrong? It can only be a joke. Idiot how can you think..... (laugh). Just because... doesn't mean he liked you. The message is clear, then why do I still feel this way. What is the lesson I need to learn? 

I just now daydreamed a conversation of him asking what I daydreamed about when it comes to us. 

Me: All the things that couples do I say. From our first date to our kids 

:how many kids will we have?

Me: 6 twin girls another girl and three boys.

45 minutes, see you when I see you.