I woke at 7:20 am and I felt like writing a morning page. Went to the kitchen and made some tea. Completed my affirmations list and did some random filters. filled in my sleep diary and now I am watching tarot on the iPad.
08:14 am a cup of Raspberry Lemon peppermint tea. I had a jam-packed dream last night. Which I of course have now forgotten. I know I was in a room full of people.
What I am realising is...(stuck on how to phrase this) it's the opposite of beating yourself up. Give myself a break, I guess (but not really). The things that I do or the effort I put in. Because I'm always coming with A and it's frustrating because the thanks or response comes back with D. The person thinks they are matching your level because they didn't know all the things that make it an A. So they think they are matching your level. I need to give myself half a break I really do. To not stop myself from feeling. I've found that the opposite makes things worse. The narrative or the advice about manifesting your dreams (let's say get married and have kids) is to stop wanting, to care less about it. While I do think that is good advice. I need to be realistic about the reason that is not easy. Truth is I am desperate to get married. Not desperate in terms of anyone. I want the right person to ask me to marry them. I've been single most of my life. At 39 how can I not have given up yet. I will need your advice but when the doubts come I will not tell myself to not tell myself to not feel it. I am a human being with feelings.
All dreams are impossible before they become possible. The doubts make my walls stronger.
23 minutes, see you when I see you
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