A few things have changed from the last entry.
Firstly we have a new family member, my 2-month-old niece Valerie. What a beautiful name, she is a blessing. My mum’s mum died 3 months ago, both these things happened in October just that my niece was born at the end of the month and the death came at the beginning of the month. Which is also the day I got saved 15 years ago. Some may call that a coincidence I like to call it a sign from God. I already decided months ago that there was no chance I was ever going to the funeral. My reason being funerals are a celebration of life and I don’t celebrate her. Really you don’t want me there I hated that woman, The only people that should be there should be the people that loved you.
I’m exercising more, I registered with a GP in November. I haven’t been registered for years ever since my mum came back and said you know you’re no more registered with your doctor ( I hadn’t been there in a while). My original reason for doing this was to get the ball rolling for getting an autism diagnosis. I originally thought that I didn’t need it, that just knowing was enough. Plus, I was worried if they said, ‘Not autistic,’ what that would mean for me going forward, I was praying to God that if they do say that please give me another option in the same breath. I had a check-up and what came from that is I’m overweight. It’s nothing new to me I mean I have scales in my bathroom, and I weigh myself (not every day) I know my BMI is high. At other times I would have just ignored this a said ‘I don’t look it,’ or ‘I don’t feel fat,’. This time I decide ok. I’m going to take the doctor seriously. I downloaded a few apps to help the weight loss, one calorie counter, one yoga and one exercise app. In fact, when I’m done with this, I’m going to tackle those.
My sleep has been better I’m getting at least 9 a night nowadays. I don’t think it's just because I decided to note down the hours, I sleep every day. I’ve only been doing this since the 16th of November.
I’m slowly starting to unlearn the habits (that helped destroy me mentally) I’ve had since I was a child.
Number one people-pleasing: I promise to be honest with myself, If I’m not at least 85% in it I will say no, that’s been a change for the people asking. I think they think I’m joking, but I have got to stick with my guns because if it’s a choice between you and me I can’t afford to choose anyone but myself.
Number two the overthinking and overanalysing: Instead of thinking I should have done this or I should have done that. I think this is how it was meant to be today. I would wake up and lie in bed strolling on my phone thinking what should I do first, shower or eat breakfast. Next thing you know hours have passed. Now I just let it happen naturally. I can get up and decide to get some water in the kitchen, then decide to eat breakfast first. Or vice versa use the toilet and decide to shower first. I’m trying to allow myself to enjoy the journey and not worry too much about the things I don’t know today, like what is going to happen in the future.
50 minutes, I guess I had a lot to say, lol
See you when I see you.
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