8:01 calm twinnings tea in front of me.
I'm was excited to write a morning page today but there's a smell I can't locate. It smells of wee. It's so annoying. Is it a rat? I just showered, it's not the bin because bits new (a new bin liner)
Tea check: Drinkable
Depression is harder this time around. It's always there. I think about the after. I had an overwhelming feeling that the plane I was on was going to crash. Also on the 23rd Sigh ni had an overwhelming feeling of jumping out of my hotel window to my death. I imagined falling in front of the two people walking past. I didn't feel this way again the whole trip. And I didn't feel like the plane I was on going home was going to crash (much).
I feel like I was invited to a party that everyone and their dog knows is a prank. There's just been souch silence. I could really use a friend right now. I can't keep going this way . I can't continue being a beggar friend and guesswork. I beg every day for God to take these feelings away and reveal the truth. Remove the things causing me pain. Remove me thinking that my friends care, they don't. Please I am on my knees remove my feelings for the guy who doesn't remember I exist. Let alone that we use to be friends. Please let me move on so that I can find the guy who actually wants me. I have waited enough time on this. I can't keep believe it's him and me and.our 6 kids it's not, it's clearly not. I feel like a stupid punk. Silence is what I got. Please help me to breath again. I need my dreams and daydreamsvas a reality or for them to be removed forever this year.
45 minutes, see you when I see you.
Update: The smell was from the bed sheets I forgot about in my bed drawers that got dam because of the leak from the bathroom that came in to my room. All washed now and no more smell, 🙏🏽thank God
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