11:58am, cereal in front (well besides me). I haven’t had
cereal in at least a month, it’s not because we don’t have milk. I’m writing this
in my living room, it’s the first time I wrote morning pages on a table (albeit
coffee table but, a table none the less) note to self: I need to buy a table
for my room. I don’t know why I’m writing that; I’m not going to read this
again after I type it out. Watching Abz 25 boybands of the 90s on Sky. Remember
five, I would say they were my top 10 favourite boybands of all time.
My biggest fear, apart form Height, Rats, rejection and some
dogs (not all) is being misunderstood. It only happens with people who have
just met me, that I’ve known for less than a year. Hence the reason I hate talking
to people on the phone or going to interviews. My friends and family know me,
which can I just say I am so grateful for. The feeling of being in a room and
not having to explain myself.
‘No, no, no it’s not that I don’t want to be here, it just
that I’m really nervous and anxious and…blah, blah, blah,’
I think it’s because I have a calming presence, people assume
I don’t care. I am guessing because no one has ever said this to me. Which is
dumb in my opinion, if I’m not talking, I’m thinking, duh.
It might have something to do with the fact that most of my
friends are like me in some way, not all, some of my friends are the opposite
of me (Introvert vs. Extrovert, you know). Even so, we all get nervous before we
go on stage, metaphorically (or not in some cases) that’s something we have in
common but, there’s a fine line between nervous and anxious.
33 minutes, see you when I see you.
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