Morning page #225

 Woke from a nice long sleep and remembered a dream about the future. It was 10:38 when I went to the kitchen. Washed plates and made myself a cup of tea. 

11:19 am a cup of...it's the tea that comes in powder (with milk btw). I didn't realise that was a thing, I'm never going back.

I've written a morning page 5 days in a row. You just haven't seen them yet (or ever) because I decided not to publish them. I wonder if I'll show them when I publish this book. Because God...

Tea check: Still hot.

...just told me to do that when I have filled this notebook (without the unpublished ones). Ooh, maybe I'll publish it later as an extra/bonus, these are just ideas.

This is one of those morning pages where you know what you're going to write. but when you get to it you've forgotten it all. 

Ok, the first thing that springs to mind.

I'm thinking of...you know who....hmmm what can I call him because he's no longer a crush. Mate crush left the room 10 years ago.

Tea check: drinkable.

He is not a horrible person. I think If I had told him I was feeling him he probably would have said 

'Uh...Esther I think you're a great girl but...I'm seeing someone or just see you as a friend,' It's just a punch in the face init.

But honestly, I also think about what he looks like now. Does he have long hair and still wear glasses. Or did I make that up, remembered it wrong and he always had long hair and never wore glasses. These are the things I think about. When I dream of him I see him the last time I saw him which was a good 16 years ago. Come to think of it I don't usually see his face but I know it's him from his presence or whatever. It's like back in the day when my siblings and I lived in the same house. My brother would say

'How do you know it's me coming up the stairs,'

'I know your footsteps,'

I wonder how many people experience this or don't actually. 

Septic: It's just the shoes, you memorized the sound of his shoes.

Listen don't burst my bubble, okay.

All dreams are impossible before they become possible. The doubts make my walls stronger.

28 minutes, see you when I see you