Morning Page #285 The same amount of me without a filters on Tiktok

Woke just before 11.20 and had a shower. I know because when I went to the kitchen after it was 11:19. I saw It on my mum's phone but she but she was asleep. I wanted to try something that has worked in the past. The tea's I brought are rubbish.

11:36 am 8 out of 10 cats does countdown on my IPad. A cup of water, hot with lime and onion (purple)

I did a plece of art work that was what it actually means to put yourself in someone's shoes. The clock my mum had made is broken it came like that. I think because my mum didn't open it straight away and the package was pushed around. I wont tell my mum through because I don't want her to send it back. There's a new step to my thought of believing things are about to charge. These are things that on paper could be concidered cowincedence But like I've leant your life needs to be what you make it. It needs to be your life through your eyes. 

Now I can't remember what the second one was but the first one was Lyle and Enc menendez new trai. It's looking like they may get released.

Tea check: drinkable Its a little bitter. I think I picked the the wrong onions. 

Note to self: Only the white onions from now on.

The Menendez brothers killed both their parents after years of the worst kind of abuse.

Today is the of last day of my period and my latest Universal Credit appointment was on the 9th. I thought about resheduling it. It was 2 days ago and I was on my period. I didnt because I didn't want to have to think about it again. To worry I might get sanctioned for missing my appointment for a few days. 

Nothing new with my quest to manifest getting my crush to ask me to marry him. Except I am current working on letting my negative thoughts go. I daydream him turning up to my house with flowers and asking me out. The fact that he doesnt know where I live and has shown zero interest in me romantically is neither here nor there.

36 minutes, see you when I see you.

Morning Page #284

I woke thinking about Sul. Yea I'm past saying it's a crush and not mentioning names, this is love. 

Oh I just remembered my dream. Althrough not much of what happened. I know one of the guy's I met  during 'Get a life,' was there. Probably why I think I saw Sul.

Tea check: Warm drinkable

Woke up at 10:50 and had a quick shower. The loose tea leaf I order came in the post brought to me by my niece. I havent had a loose leaf tea in months

11:43am 8 out of 10 cats does countdown on my new Ipad (yea) It came with a mouse and keyboard, Loose leaf tea in front of me.

I wonder if I've writen about what I am about to write in here before. Just update on my life/ thoughts. 

Well a good example of how my thinking has changed is. I shaved my hair into a Mohawk style (oh surprise) on the 29th September. That would be 2 days ago right now. Then my eldest (or is it better to say oldest) brother said you know i can do it, you should have asked me. My reason for saying no was this

(1) I hate relying on other people that's the main one.

(2) It's about the experience. That's a skill I now have.

(3) I can't go down perfection avenue. This happened when I first shaved my hair it was patchy. My sister asked do I want to get it shaped. Right then I knew she missed the point.

It cant be about what it looks like to others. It has to be what it gives me. What it does for me. 

Because before that day I hadn't cut my hair that is an achievement. I need to be brutally honest about  the things that make me unhappy. And work on riding myself od those things for my future. Need to be brutally honest about the energies I am surrounding myself in.

24 minutes, see you when I see you.