Morning Page #279

Woke at 10:52 am. I decided to have a quick shower. Then took a cup to the kitchen 

11:11 am cup of tea leaf reading in front of me, American Dad on iPad

Ok so update, 

(1) I am back making YouTube videos again, started that on the 4th. 

(2) Also started on the 4th God has challenged me to get out of my head and look at the beauty around myself. Though I have written in that notebook in a few days. I'll do it today. 

(3) I went back to movies a day. Started on the 6th I think I watched the new Beverly Hills movie, Dune, big 6 Hero, The Wedding Ringer, and yesterday's Roleplay.

Oh, that was the 4th as well,

I'm quickly sanding myself into my daydreams about Sul. The recurring daydream about him showing up at my house with flowers. Today I daydreamed about him calling me sexy. Then saying the feeling is mutual. I said 'I want to say more but that's all I got,'

I've just been daydreaming about winning the lottery. The money would solve half my problems right now, and so would a house. I daydream about moving in with Sul and doing a couple of things including s**. I was daydreaming him ******** *** ******. Btw I am less fearful and I question myself less. The thing is not a lot of people will read this so I don't have to worry what people will think of me when l do. I write these blogs for myself, my future self to be exact, and him.

Suleymen Mehmet, that's who I've been in love with since 27th November 2006. In my head, he is my future hubby. Even though I haven't seen him in 17 years. I know the same amount of information I knew in 2006. 

Why?

I am quiet and I don't like conversing with people. I get my information from observation.

Just got the idea to talk directly to Sul. I've been in love with you since 2006. Even if you start today work up the courage to tell me the truth of feelings. Even if they are the opposite of how I feel. I think It's about time I knew.

35 minutes, see you when I see you.