Morning Page #280

Woke up at 9:20 am, and went to the kitchen. After, having a quick cold shower (became the boiler was off). I just washed my face and legs. I filmed today's YouTube video. Which turned out to be my autism journey. Then I made a short for Tiktok. It's an inspirational quote for the day. Has the date and everything. 

11:01 am cup of vanilla chai in front of me. Actually no, because I just finished it. Just turned 11:11 Note to self a good video idea. (I'll probably forget... Dear God help me to remember) I want to make these. 

1. a real brain dump.

2.... uh...I had one now I forgot. we'll come back to that.... oh how would I explain 

(btw I'm writing these while editing some YouTube videos)

Just letting God move my hands. I don't know if I've said it before on here. But I'll say it again anyway. (I think I have) I'm doing this 30 post a video a day on YouTube. This started on the 5th of July. I got the Idea a few days earlier. I said to myself I was going to do it on Friday, and I did. I'm also trying to...well God has... 

(and now I need to number 2)

...challenged me to see the beauty outside (As in my head), when I am feeling anxious. Right now it's about my Universal Credit appointment in 6 days. It will be a blessing when I can request to delete my account.

Yeah I'm going to have to pause this, It's 11:27 

11:39, Also anxious about money in general, And...

I think should I write down all my video Ideas. Or just let life happen.

(Ps: I didn't on the 15th of July when I was writing this up. Might still, let life happen.)

...paying for or stuff. I have zero pounds in my bank.

The beauty is out of my head. It's sunny outside, what I can see is my niece's bike. It's white and Purple, Purple, Seat white and Purple wheels. Now I am thinking about my... Please I was too young to write crush, which ended in year 5 (2010). No Suleymen Mehmet Mehmet is my future hubby, he is always on my mind, the song just popped into my head Elvis, but I'm also watching" DM to Df brace yourself the universe is taking you both on an unexpected detour *specific*

And the first message was so much has gone unsaid, yea, no s***. Btw I am not scared anymore to say his name or write it in this case. Scared because he might feel it's inappropriate because he's happily married with kids, or he feels like he has to reject. He's done that anyway many times. That's what has changed about me today. A lot of my fear has been removed. 

30 minutes, see you when I see you.