Woke at 4:12 a.m. I had a dream that I won't be mentioning or writing down. It was horrible and not how I would behave in real life. Not a nightmare in the world's sense.
I am thinking of an art idea, a drawing of my pet peeves. I'm also thinking of my dream life. Being in a relationship and living with zero people pleasing and zero worry about money. Just living my best life. I was recently reminded of some morning pages on Timehop. It motivated me to write some.
Currently watching American Dad and drinking hot chocolate.
Daydreamed about making a pot of hot chocolate the way I made it today with peanut butter. Then stopping short and asked my best friend.
Are you allergic to peanuts?
She nods
Oh my God, I almost killed you.
Writing this got me thinking about my best friend. In the past, I would say I have a lot of friends but not a best friend and that would be a lie. I thought my feelings were based on another. Saying she is my best friend and getting your not mine reaction would be heartbreaking. I would feel like an idiot. Because she has other friends and I've known her for 17 years. How egotistical for me to think I am her best one.
I thought about a question that just popped into my head.
Why don't you hesitate?
Fear of rejection.
45 minutes, see you when I see you.
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