Morning Page #283 chapter 40

I woke and had a quick shower. My iPad had gone off because I wasn't charging it. I saw that it was 11:51. When I came back after my shower. I went to the kitchen to charge my hot water bottle and I decide to make a cup of tea.

12:30 cup of PG tips in front of me. 8 out of 10 cats on my iPad. 

Had a dream but can't remember it. Ant and Dec were there. I just got a message that my Universal Credit appointment will be changed to phone. Yes God is truly working behind the scenes. 

Ok, I am stuck on what to write so I'm just going to let it all out. The me without a filter of how I'm really feeling. Just remembered I haven't filmed a video in weeks for YouTube. I am going to do that in the next few days, maybe today. I'm also doing a breathing exercise on Finch care. It's been going for 3 minutes, Inhale... hold for 3... exhale...hold for 3. The Finch care app (where you look after a virtual pet) I would say turning 40 was the beginning of my next chapter. On that day I felt older though not 40 years old. It's a feeling I've never felt before to feel older so quickly. Like when it's the 1st of Jan and you are still writing the previous year. What I know is I can't won't be living in the old Esther. This fearful Esther, scared of the consequences, the outcome of every move I make. I am leaving the people pleasing, filtering/explaining myself Esther. The putting self last and ignoring my feelings Esther. Walking on eggshells and hiding my truth in order to not upset another is no longer welcome. I am done making myself smaller.

43 minutes, see you when I see you.