Morning Pages #97

11: 22 am, a cup of fresh ginger and water in front of me. I have not had fresh garlic and water for a while it is ok, but it is not a favourite. I would probably put it last after Lemon and Lime, but I still like it. Agatha Christie's Marple on my Mac. There are 18 episodes, so I have been watching it for days. One of the things I love about this show is the amazing guest stars. Even people I never thought would be on (looking at you Holly Willoughby)

Yesterday was the 21st day of the 21 days of abundance I was doing. The last day was to review in a video, audio, or text form. I choose text form. I wrote it out first, then when it came time to record, I couldn't do it. It felt like when I talk to someone on the phone and I forget things I wanted to say.

"I advise you to make a video next time,"

I started overthinking and regretting. I tell myself I know why I did it that way and that's good enough for me.

My eyes just started itching again.

I am so grateful for these Morning Pages. It is going to help me to write my books, writing without a filter, without editing along the way. I have been learning to do that with my feelings. That includes being in love. I think I reached a turning point when I admitted it to myself only last year. I always told myself it was just a crush (even though it has been 10+ years). I  told myself everything to get rid of my feelings. Just like I did my shy and quietness. Not that he is a horrible person no regrets about not telling even though he is not single now.

"My feelings are valid,"

My wrist always aches when I write on paper and I get pins and needles in my ring finger and my little finger only (for some reason). Maybe there is something I can use or do to stop it; I will look it up after this.  

36 minutes, see you when I see you.

Morning Pages #96 FH letters

7:23 AM, Well I thought it's about time I started writing these again..., I don't know how long the last one was. I think at least a week, maybe more.

Update: It was 3 weeks, thereabouts.

It’s one of those I haven’t been to sleep and also haven’t done anything productive. As I stayed up all night unless you count watching TV productive. Even though I haven’t been to sleep I'm still wide awake. So I sit on my bed with a cup of tea (carefully) and inspector Morse (the first episode) On my Mac.
PS: some of the acting in the first episode at least was questionable, but let’s not get into that, this show is a treasure.

My eyes have been itching me for days. I mean I know they say rubbing them makes it worse, ah, I just can’t help it. Whoops, I better check my tea, I bet it’s cold now…almost. Now I have my tea in my hand so the rest of this will be slow.

A few days ago I found myself on Google researching wants vs needs. Which from previous morning pages you will know I’m obsessed with. Anyway, somehow I got on to FH letters, future husband. I wrote my first one in 2015 after a family members wedding rehearsal. The feeling is you never regret it whether you end up getting married or not. That letter was written as a poem. I regret not writing FH letters from the beginning. I do regret that more than I regret not telling that guy how I was feeling.

25 minutes, see you when I see you.

Morning Pages #95

8:43 a.m. A cup of tea in front of me, never have I ever on Netflix. I thought I'd take a break from binge-watching Highway to Heaven. This is very short.
I haven't written a morning page for about a week. I am awake now so I might as well write it.

Just reached the part in 'Never have I ever,' when a character comes out to her mum. And oh my... tears, this show though don't. It was honest, the mom's reaction was honest. She said  ' I don't know what to say,' and then she later said 'Nothing you say will make me not love you,' it got me thinking about the fact that this scene would never be in Highway to Heaven bearing in mind it was made in the 80s.

35 minutes, see you when I see you.

Morning pages #94

11:31 AM, a cup of spiced orange and mint tea in front of me...yea.
I came across an app yesterday that helps you to develop habits. If you want to lose weight or wake up early in the morning, for example, it's called 21 days. I started the happiness one, the first day is to listen to your favourite song. That’s a long list, to be honest.

Darius colourblind is playing right now.

I'm thinking if I should start more than one challenge at the same time, there’s one called declutter. I've been slipping up with my morning routine and my challenge to write in my book every day. I haven't written a morning page since the 19th of April. Yesterday I did a full yoga routine 17 and a bit minutes, I was very proud of myself. So, we’re starting today I woke up at 11:09 am, that's the time I set for my take a selfie a day challenge, which I have been slipping up on lately. I can tell you this for nothing it won't be 366 photos.

14 minutes, see you when I see you. 

Morning Pages #93

11:27 AM, a cup of green tea and six crackers and butter. That's what it's come to, not really. We've just run out bread is all. Highway to Heaven on my Mac. Finish the whole series so I'm watching it again.

I'm thinking about suicide (not for me). it's a very worrying time and I know a lot of people are feeling uncertainty.
I wish I could hug each one of you, but I can't. I wrote something on my Facebook group for encouragement.

I hope it helped someone out there.
9 minutes, see you when I see you. 

Morning Pages #92

10:48 AM, A cup of hot water and lime in front of me. season three of Highway to Heaven on my TV.

I'm writing this on my kitchen table (and not my coffee table) for two days in a roll. I need to do that more often. I usually do it on my bed And I know that's not good for me.

Just stop to write something I'm going to put on Facebook, on my depression group. believe me, social media is an excellent distraction in the current madness of the world.

Here's what I wrote
binge-watching highway to heaven and it got me thinking.

What would your Guardian Angel say to you?

Everything will be okay
Or
don't be so hard on yourself.
Or
give yourself a break.

what about you?

So what about you?
18 minutes, see you when I see mute.   

Morning pages #91

10:07 AM, a cup of hot water in front of me, only water.

I hate it when I need to use the...(I was going to write that email about I can't find out how to spell it) I know how to say it 'mo fi yag be,' But I know that's the wrong spelling. I need to poo. I'm going to have to pause this.

Sometimes I like to thank God, 4 remind me to turn the cooker or not making me late for my jobcentre appointments (although I was late once) my work coach says she'll sanction me if I'm late no exceptions, which to me seems unfair if it's under your control, but it's just me.

25 minutes, see you when I see you.