Why can't people hear me when I talk.

When  I was younger I was very shy, not only that I was quiet too.
I don't just mean, didn't talk much (I mean that too).
Looking back it felt like no one heard me when I spoke.
Adults were constantly telling me to speak up.
As I grew up the volume in my voice didn't get better.
People stopped saying speak up and started saying

'Pardon'  and
'What did you say?'

When you hear it once or twice its fine, but when you hear it for the 100th time it starts to chip at your confidence.
Then I started thinking what's the point of talking if no one is going to hear me.
I went through what I went though and now that I've gain my confidence and am constantly adding to it.
Now I don't really get people saying speak up at all.
I don't get people saying pardon or what did you say? (Maybe once in a while).
I just get the move forward with a hand to their ear.
Which is so, so anoying it makes me want to scream.
Instead I just do it inside and don't let it get to me.
The same way I don't let the little things that lead to my depresion lead to it again.

Why I left my job.

Here’s the low down

As you know by now I got the Job, working at Millie’s Cookies in Stratford.
I never thought it could happened, I was determined and It was going to be my goal for the new year. The stuff I thought I'd struggle with the most is the thing I enjoy most. The interacting with people part, the working on the till part, I love meeting people.
For a while everything was going swimmingly. Then people started saying…

‘You need to be quicker Esther,”

Was this a mistake, what’s the point If I can’t even keep up.

I was feeling bad for other people having to do my work as well as their own. They were nice about, they never got mad or shouted (at least that I saw.) For that reason, I stuck with it, I loved the job so much and the people I worked with.

It was month 6 that I finally began to find my stride. I was doing mainly morning shifts and had found a routine.  I was doing great, I was even getting good at completing everything (Well most of it) I needed to do before the next person came in for their shift.

On the 8^th month we were told there was to be a meeting. Apparently, Millie’s Cookies Stratford was closing, this meant I had to say goodbye to my job. I was nervous and worried, but I was reassured by my boss who said there’s a job going at Paddington station. I was excited, until I realised that there weren’t a Millie’s cookies in Paddington. Then I was back to anxious and worried.

I went to meet the manager who also managed a few other kiosks in Paddington. At this point it wasn’t clear where I was going to work. I thought maybe the Pastry shop because that was where I was told to meet him.

So, we sat down and had a chat. He asked about my Job history, why I hadn’t worked before, the usual. He told me where I was going to work (Delice De France btw). To be honest I had to look it up because I had never heard of it before. Mainly they do panni’s, baguettes and Pastries. Sort of like a posh Greggs (I mean a smaller Greggs) Anyway he seemed nice (He is nice).

I started on the 4^th September. I was told ‘we’ had to make 25 Panni’s x 5. I thought that’s doable with 2 people. Then that girl left and that’s how I worked, in the kitchen alone for the rest of my time there, making up to 100 Panni’s. I soon would realise that I had to make 16 breakfast croissants, not to mention a maximum of 20 breakfast rolls. That first day I wanted to leave. I stayed because it was the first day. I thought it can only get better, it didn’t, I still felt the same way I did on the first day a week later. I would have left that week but then I saw my pay check and I was like…Esther be strong. The next week I texted my boss that I had to leave DDF asap, stating personal reason’s as my why? This was the truth, it wasn’t a lie. To be quite honest with you I hated it there, from start to finish. I was miserable, I dreaded going to work, watching the clock when I was there, all of this in a few weeks. I knew I needed to leave before it started messing with my mental health.

So that’s where I am, unemployed looking for work (not in retail, God not in retail). Because I didn’t want to spend a second wasting it somewhere I wasn’t happy.